Partner Quits Riding: What’s Next?

Dear Lynda,

My partner and I have ridden together for years, and suddenly, he wants to stop riding.

This is the activity we have always done together. He hasn’t said anything about me stopping, but I’m scared he will, or that I’ll rarely see him anymore. What can I do?

~Michelle

Dear Michelle,

One partner suddenly deciding to stop participating in a mutually shared passion is definitely a challenge, and taking the time to both understand what this means to you as a couple, and to you as an individual, will give you some ideas how to move forward.

If your partner quits riding, what are his reasons? Has he simply moved on, and wants to explore new activities? If so, is there any interest on your part in sharing this new direction with him? Has something changed to cause his sudden shift in feelings? Are you both able to discuss his choice to stop riding in a non-threatening, non-defensive manner to understand his motivations and for him to listen to your feelings of loss, fear, and confusion?

Are there other areas of your life that you share that can perhaps expand to include some of the space that motorcycling consumed? How do you feel about riding without him, if you are secure that you will still spend quality time in other pursuits?

If this change is part of a larger pattern of withdrawing from the relationship, and that is at the heart of your fears, then counseling may be indicated to help explore what’s really going on. Hopefully it’s a simple change in focus, and the two of you will find new activities to share while leaving you free to keep riding on your own.

~Lynda